Seeing Myself Again – My Postpartum Boudoir Journey
As a boudoir photographer, I’ve spent years helping women embrace their bodies, celebrating their beauty and power in ways they never thought possible. I’ve seen countless women step into my studio with nerves and leave with confidence, tears of joy in their eyes as they see themselves in a way they’ve never seen before.
But this time, I wasn’t behind the camera. This time, I was the one stepping in front of the lens. And let me tell you—it was one of the hardest, most vulnerable I’ve done since giving birth to my daughter. This time, I was the one in the center of the stage and all eyes were on me... I’d be lying if I said I was afraid after my body has changed so much.
Nerves, Fear, and the Mirror
When I decided to do my first boudoir session after having my daughter, I was overwhelmed with emotions I wasn’t prepared for. I was nervous in ways I hadn’t been in years. Would anything even fit? Would I look ridiculous trying to strike the same poses I’d coached my clients through hundreds of times? Would the camera capture the body I loved— or the one that didn’t look like me anymore?
I was terrified of seeing my images. Terrified I’d cry because I wasn’t “good enough” anymore. Because the body I’d come to know and rely on felt like a stranger to me now—soft where it used to be firm, stretched where it used to be smooth. I felt like I had lost something precious, something I wasn’t sure I’d ever get back. You’d think I would have been prepared since my job title is LITERALLY professional hype woman… but I wasn’t. I don’t think anyone can be.
The Moment of Reckoning
Stepping into the studio, I felt a tangle of emotions. There was a part of me that wanted to turn around and leave, to go home and hide in sweatpants where I could avoid mirrors and cameras altogether. But then, I thought about my daughter. About how I want her to grow up seeing herself as beautiful, strong, and worthy. How could I ask that of her if I couldn’t even see those things in myself?
So, I stayed. I let myself be vulnerable, let myself be seen, even when it felt impossibly hard.
The Struggle to See
When the session was over, I thought the hard part was behind me. But seeing the images? That was another story. At first, I struggled. I scrutinized every detail, every curve, every stretch mark. My mind was loud with criticism, cataloging all the ways I thought my body had failed me.
But then, something shifted.
I stopped looking at my body as something to judge and started seeing it for what it had done. This body grew life from scratch—an entire human being who didn’t exist before. This body carried my daughter for months, weathered the physical and emotional storm of childbirth, and has been her safe harbor every day since.
How could I not respect that? How could I not love that?
A New Perspective
As I looked at those images again, I didn’t see flaws anymore. I saw strength. I saw resilience. I saw a body that had transformed in the most extraordinary way to bring my daughter into the world.
I realized that my postpartum body wasn’t a “before” or “after.” It was a continuation of my story—a beautiful, complex chapter that deserves just as much celebration as any other.
What It Taught Me About My Work
That session reminded me why I do what I do. Boudoir isn’t just about beautiful pictures; it’s about helping women see themselves clearly, maybe for the first time. It’s about recognizing the beauty in what we often overlook, the power in what we sometimes take for granted.
Now, when I work with postpartum clients, I understand their struggles on a deeper level. I know what it feels like to stand in front of the mirror and not recognize the body looking back at you. But I also know how transformative it can be to embrace that body, to see it not as something that’s “not enough,” but as something that’s extraordinary in its own right.
To Every Mother
To every mom reading this: Your body is remarkable. It’s done things that are nothing short of miraculous. It deserves respect, love, and celebration—just as it is.
If you’re feeling hesitant, if you’re nervous about stepping in front of the camera, let me tell you this: I see you. I’ve been there. And I promise, it is NEVER as bad as your brain says it will be. In fact, it’s WAY better than you brain can believe yet.
Let’s create something that reminds you of the incredible woman you are, the incredible journey you’re on. Because you deserve it.
